Be A Family: News

By Jenny Pope
Buckner International

The sweet smell of strawberry and rhubarb pie fills the air of Kristen and Doug Mitrisin’s home in Rowlett, Texas. It’s a warm summer day, and their daughter Amber, a senior at University of North Texas, has just walked in as the doorbell chimes. Kristen announces that their eldest son and daughter, Jeff and Kim Kribs, have come over for dinner with the boys in tow: four-year-old Cason and 6-month-old Jaxon.

As they hug and greet each other in the living room, surrounded by family photos of the Mitrisin and Kribs clan, one might notice that there really isn’t much family resemblance at all, except for the two standouts: both Amber and Cason have fiery red hair.

Jeff and Kim may not be in the Mitrisin’s biological family, but they’re a part of it either way because they’re Cason’s mom and dad, and Amber is Cason’s birth mother. The Kribs adopted Cason through the Buckner Adoption and Maternity Services and now share the fruits of open adoption with their blended family.

“I never expected to have this type of relationship with the adoptive parents,” said Amber, as she held Cason’s baby brother Jaxon in her lap. “They’re not just two people; they’re family to me. I really see them as my brother and sister.”

It’s hard to imagine that a family this happy – playing soccer with Cason, passing baby Jaxon around the room, and cracking jokes as they munch on chips and salsa – has traveled down such painful, yet parallel, roads of struggle.

Jeff and Kim had been married for several years when they decided to be parents, only to endure a miscarriage in 1999 followed by several surgeries and years more of trying. In June 2001, when they knew a child was not a possibility, they took their first steps towards an open adoption by signing on with Buckner.

At the same time, 17-year-old Amber had just made line major on her drill team and was forced to resign and graduate early due to her pregnancy with her high school sweetheart. After making the difficult decision to place Cason into adoption, Amber went with another adoption agency only to face an unexpected emotional first sonogram.

“It was a major setback,” Kristen said. “It was very difficult for Amber. When I told the counselor she said, ‘Well, that’s normal.’ ‘Well, why didn’t you prepare her for that?’ I was not happy. I was being very protective mama bear. I needed someone ministering to my daughter.”

Soon thereafter, a family friend recommended Amber and her family turn to Buckner where they would receive counseling and a quick initiation into open adoption. In January 2002, one month before Cason’s due date, Amber came across the profile of Jeff and Kim Kribs and knew immediately that they were “the ones,” she said. The two families met for their first match meeting – a sort of “tribunal,” according to Jeff – where their unique family bond was born.

As Jeff shared their story of hardships, he became more and more emotional and noticed that he wasn’t the only one with tears in his eyes, he said.

“For eight months, both sides had been so consumed with their own pain in their family and what they were going to do, that we realized that this whole time God had two families involved, and at this exact moment he brought our two paths together.”

“When we met Jeff and Kim was when I realized that everything was going to be all right,” Kristen said. “Jeff and Kim were sold out to whatever God had in store for them. When we’re both coming in there wanting what God wants, and nobody coming in with their own agenda, that’s when I knew it was going to work.”

The next four weeks blurred together as the families continued to connect, seeing each other every few days and making introductions to more friends and family.

“It was such a strange period,” Jeff said. “I didn’t know what to expect going into it, but I certainly didn’t expect this. We knew the birth family so well. By the time we got to when Cason was born, we felt really bad. We weren’t sure we could take someone else’s child.”

“The love we had with them and for them really surprised us,” Kim added, “and I think it surprised them, too.”

A healthy eight-pound Cason arrived Feb. 17, 2002 after a somewhat comical and unplanned home delivery on the Mitrisin’s bathroom floor at the hands of Kristen – or “Doc”- as Cason now calls her.

“I wanted [Jeff and Kim] in the hospital room so they could be a part of it,” Amber said, “but in a way they still were because they were on the phone.”

Two days following Cason’s birth was the adoption entrustment ceremony, a time where family and friends from both sides came together as Cason was placed into the Kribs family; a time that Jeff called “the most horrendously difficult hour of my life. I couldn’t see because I was crying so hard.”

Open adoption is a special commitment between two families, Jeff said, because there’s “nothing legal about it. There’s no law that says we have to see them. We could choose not to let them, but we feel that it’s important for Cason to understand who is birth mom is… you’ve made them a promise. They’re taking faith knowing that you don’t have to keep it, and to me that’s a pretty big deal.”

Jeff said he’s asked all the time how they make their open adoption relationship work. While having open communication and selflessness is a big part, “you have to be willing to have an open heart to the whole thing. The onus of open adoption falls on us, and you owe it to your child to maintain that relationship.”

“I am extremely okay with adoption, and I’ve never regretted it,” Amber said. “Jeff and Kim – who just had open arms and open hearts to me – they really embraced me. I knew my position as a birthmother and Kim embraced her position as well. Every now and then, I’ll look at pictures and think, what would it be like to see him run down the stairs to me? But it pales in comparison to what he has now, to how much he’s loved and how great he has it.”

“You have to try hard to put yourself in either the birthmother or birthfather’s shoes,” Kim said. “You have to understand that our happy time – after all the paperwork and entrustment, the waiting and all the pain we have gone through for all those years – when our pain ended, that’s when their pain started.

“But I remember telling Amber … he’s going to need you at some point when I’m not going to be the one he needs. You’re very crucial to this circle.”

Because of Amber’s bravery and candid witness on open adoption, she’s had the unique opportunity to minister to several high school friends who became pregnant. She shared her testimony on video for the national SAGE Girls Ministry conference, an organization designed to reach, teach, and train young women to impact their communities and the world with the love of Christ; and she has even guided one friend to place her child into open adoption.

“I just tell them my story, and I think from that they take what’s important to them,” Amber said. “I’d rather give them all the information I can instead of them aborting. I know how good it can be, and because a lot of times they don’t have the information that they need or the knowledge about adoption, they rule it out completely. I just want to make sure they know what they’re getting into.”

Jeff and Kim recently made another addition to their family through Buckner’s open adoption as they welcomed baby Jaxon into their home Dec. 2005. Although their relationship with Jaxon’s birth parents is very different from Cason’s, they take great pride in what open adoption means to their family.

“I was surprised at how protective I was of this dynamic,” Jeff said. “People don’t understand open adoption. We get complimented all the time for adopting because we have such good hearts for taking this child from this obviously terrible situation… I’m like no, no, no!

“There’s really such a Christ-like comparison with adoption; Chris and Amber made a decision that most people are not capable of making. I tell them all the time that someday they’ll realize how amazing they are.”

Years from now, Amber may be living her dream as a fashion journalist in New York City, but her infectious laugh and courageous decision will forever be the link in this family’s exceptional bond through open adoption.

“I had to grow up really fast,” Amber admitted, saying that many people think she’s at least 25 because of her maturity. “I definitely have strength that I probably wouldn’t have if I didn’t have any faith. It’s hard; it’s a struggle regardless, but knowing that I’m not doing it alone helps me a lot.”